It's April 25, 2007.  I'm 47 years old.  I'm married to a great guy and I have 24 year-old twin boys (are they boys at 24?) and a 20-year-old special needs step daughter.  I weigh about 290 (highest ever 315). I've been "over-weight" my whole life.  I've had a poor self-image my whole life.  In my mind I was fat and....whatever.  No matter good or bad...the fat came first.  It's ruled my life and all my choices. 

It's time for that to change, finally!  Near the end of 2004 I started looking in to bariatric surgery.  I got approval from my GP, I met the surgeon, I went to the support groups, I had my psych-eval and was ready to role...and bam, in January of 2005 the hospital said they would no longer take my insurance (MVP) because they didn't cover enough of the costs I guess. So I thought, well that's that...I'll do Weight Watchers...again!  I did really well and was thinking I'm glad I didn't do the surgery...if I can lose 50 pounds without it...the next 50 will be just as easy, this time the diet is really gonna work, blah, blah, blah.  Well just like the 10 times before, I hit a brick wall at 55 pounds gone and slowly but surley, rather than losing another 50 I GAINED 50+.  Since then I've done it again...in 2006 I lost 50 pounds and by April of 2007 I'm well on my way to back up again.

In October my husband got a new job with an amazing benefits package. We were thrilled because we could start saving a little money, stop living so close to the edge, not worry about whether or not we were "sick enough" to go to the doctor, and to even go to the dentist.  So while this was going on I was struggling with the "diet program" I was on...I figure it was going into the holiday season, I'd worry about it after the first of the year.  Well the new year came and went and I stuck with the "diet" for a few weeks...but I just could not get a grip.  I did what I've done a zillion times before and just said FORGET IT!  I'm done. I don't care how fat I get.

Did I mentionI have a grea husband?  We have a fun vacation on Cape Cod planned for July and I'm just so sick of dreading it.  I should be excited and counting the days because I can't wait to get there, instead of counting the days to figure out if I can lose enough weight to be comfortable. 

And BLING the light dawned. I have good insurance! I can get the life-saving surgery I need!!  I called the surgeons office and they sent me the packet with the questionnaire I needed to fill out and send back (I had to go back to the beginning, because it had been so long).  Well the envelope sat on my desk for a few weeks...my biggest concern was if I could control my emotional eatting enough not to sabbatoge the surgery in the end.  I decided to go see the doctor that did my pscych eval and see if he could help.

He recommended a good book called "French Toast for Breakfast" and we had a couple of sessions where to talked about the reasons for emotional eating and made some suggestions for coping with stress that don't lead to eating.  I felt good about our sessions and I'm not worried about the emotional eating...NOT that it's fixed 100%, but I have the tools I need to make it work. 

I sent the paperwork back to the surgeon and made an appointment with my GP for a physical.  I'm just waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office so I can get through all the steps so I can start my new life. I'm hoping that by the summer of 2008 I'll really, REALLY be looking forward to our vacation!

So that's my story.