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iammelissa's Blog
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Just a little over a month out
on July 30, 2008 12:20 pm
So, I'm a little over a month out now.  I am enjoying the weight loss so far!  It's so exciting.  I'm already fitting in clothes out of my "too small" stash and that feels great.

I'm a little frustrated with not being able eat anything yet.  I can handle carnation instant breakfast.  I am eating some thin yogurt right now and even that is causing me to feel yucky and gurgly!  

I'm sure that my tummy is just taking it's time to heal and adjust and I have so much weight to lose still that I shouldn't be fussin, but I am craving a crunchy salad like crazy!!!!!
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So, I've had my surgery now
on July 14, 2008 3:13 pm

 

I've been sleeved!

My husband and I flew down to San Diego and then were picked up by my Doctor's office and driven down to Mexicali.   I must say to anyone that is wondering that going to Mexico was a wonderful experience. My doctors were fabulous and the hospital was very nice.  I'm happy I made the choice.

I't's been almost 3 weeks since my surgery and I had lost 17 lbs last Wed when I weighed myself. I don't want to start obsessing so I still just weigh myself and make note of it on Weds.

I am happy to report that I am now pulling some clothes out of my too small bag and that is a wonderful feeling!

I'm still on liquids so I have a hard time getting much protein.  So, I'm really tired, but seeing those numbers on the scale drop makes all this worth it!

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It's almost time
on June 17, 2008 10:41 am

Well just a few days until I fly out for my surgery. 

I'm looking forward to positive changes but I'm so anxious and nervous about the surgery and mostly the recovery.  I need to be able to take care of my children and do what needs to be done.  

I was thinking about a list of things that I am wishing and hoping for as an outcome of the surgery.

1.To be able to not have the red grooves in my stomach because my jeans are too tight.
2. To be able to go out dancing at my favorite club.
3. To take salsa lessons.
4. To wear some clothes I have had stashed away for years because one day I might be able to fit in them again.
5. To not feel like the fat girl in the room.
6. To not feel discusted with myself everytime I look in the mirror.
7. To be a good influence on my daughters and to make all my children proud.
8. To walk up the stairs in my house without being out of breath.
9. To walk from the back of the parking lot at work without being out of breath. 
10. To not feel like the fat sister and daughter.
11. Go on vacation with my family next year and be able to fit on the rides and enjoy them with my kids.
12. Go horseback riding again.
13. To wear lingerie from Victoria Secret for my husband.
14. Weigh under 200lbs
15. Weigh less than my husband!
16. Lose 100 lbs.
17. Cross my legs
18. Have energy to run around and play with my kids at the park.
19. Be able to jump on the trampoline without worrying that I will break it.
20. Have a BMI that is in the normal healthy range.
21. Leave Lane Bryant behind. 
22. Have better sex with my husband!!!!
23. Wear tall calf boots.
24. Hike down to Snoqualmie Falls.
25. Be an inspiration to others.

I'm sure there are many more, but that's all Ican think of for now.

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I have a date!
on May 9, 2008 2:28 pm
I'm flying to San Diego on June 23rd and will be sleeved on the 25th.  I'm so excited!
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wanting to be the skinny girl that's inside of me
on April 14, 2008 2:47 pm
I can't believe it, but my husband says OK- I can go to mexico and have the surgery.  He's nervous, but I think he's so tired of seeing me cry all the time about my weight.   

were having construction done on our house that is taking forever!!!  I need for it to finish so I can start saving for this!!!
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My Story

When I think about myself I picture myself as always having been fat.   I remember my parents used to make comments to me about being big boned or being a big girl, etc.   I look at pictures of myself prior to the age of 17 and I wasn't fat!

Now that I'm all grown up, I am fat!  I feel discusted with myself almost all the time. I shy away from applying for promotions at work and just feel like everyone is looking at me as the fat girl. 

I have a wonderful husband who hates it when I put myself down, but  I think he likes me this way because then he doesn't have to worry about me leaving him if no other men are attracted to me.  That is painful for me because It's not about him, it's about me, my self esteem, my health, and so on!!!

I'm a caretaker.  I have 4 biological kids and adoptd 3 kids from foster care.  I work as a social worker in child protection and even when I think about doing something for me I feel guilty, like I should be home spending time witht the kids or husband. 

I think I'm going to spend the money and do it, for me.  But I'm freaked out!  With food being my drug of choice I am going to go through so many changes, it's frightening!