We are putting Q-bert, our Bichon Frise, to sleep tomorrow. He lived for over 16 1/2 years. He was born in PA to Claude and Taffy and came to me when he was only eight weeks old. He can't function--he's very old. He can barely walk and doesn't eat at all, yet he is always throwing up.

I think my heart is broken now, but I have a feeling I won't even know what a broken heart feels like until he dies in my arms tomorrow.

He has given us far more than we have ever given him.







 

We've lost almost six hundred pounds between us!!

 Nothing. This is why I have to say that when things annoy me everyone should really take note—because I don’t get annoyed easily. Nothing has really annoyed me lately. So, please, listen when something is annoying to me, it’s worth noting. Some people are annoyed all the time, usually it’s those people who are doing the annoying.

Holidays with my family was amazing. When I think about my grandparents and my aunt, who are no longer alive, singing those exact same songs I get so happy. It’s a connection that I will always have. I know when I’m long gone, my children’s grandchildren will be singing those songs from the same book. Life is eternal and G-d is always with us.

Wearing my boots—it’s fall! The weather is crisp and amazing—hot weather all year would be boring. My summer heels need a rest. They must be SO tired. I love them—I know the excitement I will feel when summer is coming close again and I can slip on those Manolos!

Eating Dunkin Donuts Veggie Eggwhite Sandwiches. The people at DD came up with a serious winner. Compare it to the Starbucks spinach, feta egg sandwich, and you’ll see! $3.99 for a sandwich and coffee. It’s the best. sandwich. ever.

Wearing matching dresses with my daughter—it was so fun! Buying myself a dress at Gymboree in a children’s size was also SO fun! Whodathunk??

A policeman gave me directions, then stopped traffic in both directions to let me turn around in the middle of the street.

Going to Philadelphia for an Obesity Conference on Friday—I have lots of OH friends who are going!

Having a family over our house on Friday for Shabbat dinner.

Going to the our friend's house for dinner house on Sunday!

 Meeting new and interesting people over the holidays.

A connection that I made with a very special woman.

My beautiful, white bathroom scale that never lets me down.

Patience is SO important. Thinking comes in handy also.
 

There is a strong ad campaign currently running promoting high fructose corn syrup.  The Corn Refiners Association has launched a major marketing campaign and internet site

High Fructose Corn Syrup Ad 1     High Fructose Corn Syrup Ad 2

HFCS is sweeter than sugar and is digested differently and in a bad way.  It goes directly to the liver releasing enzymes that instruct the body to store fat.  It also may slow fat burning and cause weight gain.  Other research indicates it does not stimulate insulin production, which usually creates a sense of being full.  People then eat more than they should which causes weight gain.

Here is a link to Dr. Vincent Bellonzi explaining the truth about HFCS.  View Video

Here’s a Dirt Doctor tip - sweeten your food with stevia or honey.

To learn more on how to live a more Natural Organic lifestryle, go to DirtDoctor.com.

If you have any questions regarding this newsletter or any other topic, join me for my radio show heard in Dallas/Fort Worth on Saturday at 11am and across the country on Sunday from 8 - 11am (CST).  Radio.

Naturally yours, 

Howard Garrett

I had a stressful situation at work that I had to deal with. So the morning was really crazy, preparing to talk to a conference room of people. I am not an emotional eater, BUT I really really REALLY wanted a Starbucks Peachy Apple Tart!! Like you can't imagine how much I wanted to eat one of those things!!! SO, even though I had just about an hour until I had to speak, I went over to Starbucks to get it. They told me that it was discontinued until SPRING!!!!

This is not a good thing to tell someone who is already having a crappy, stressful day. I'm like "mess with anything about me, but seriously, don't mess with my food!!!!" Not today.

So I had a plain oatmeal. Bleh. Not in the mood for any sweetener. Just plain oatmeal. I was MADDER THAN A HATTER!! Not normal for me, since, as I said, I'm really not an emotional eater.

So, it's minutes before I have to go into the conference room and I say to myself--"self, you should go to the bathroom first, before you have to go speak" So I did and guess what??? It was my period!!! It wasn't pretty!! I had nothing for it.
 
Now I understood why I wanted that peachy apple tart so much--it was my period!! My body was speaking!!!
I was listening!!!

How is it that even though I get it every 28 days, I get surprised every time??

So, I did the best I could with the bathroom situation, then went to go speak.

I was great. Everything worked out as best as possible. So I went to see my boss and tell him how well everything went and guess what? He opened up a cabinet and asked me if I wanted a pop tart!! Guess what flavor it was? Apple Cinnamon!! He warmed it up for me and it was BETTER than the Starbucks Peachy Apple Tart!!

So, my day was getting better by the minute. I went down the hall and saw my friend Dianna. She gave me a tampon!!! woohooo!! It doesn't take much to make me smile!

The talk went well--I got an apple pop tart--I got a tampon!!!

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!

wow! So, I'm on the toilet with the craziest stomach wrenching, knife stabbing, horrific diarreah, and I'm smiling! Thank you Dr. Brolin and thank you to my little pouch!!

I'm pretty much okay with eating everything, probably because I'm so careful to watch how much of everything I eat. Not only my calories for the day, but my calories in each serving. I know that if I have over 230 calories of ice cream in one sitting I will get sick. I know that if I eat over 100 calories of regular cake I will get sick. If I have ice cream I have a spoonful or two or some kind of ice cream sandwich or pop with less than 230 calories. If I have cake, I have a forkful or two.

So, today, I just don't know what on EARTH I was thinking when I thought it would be perfectly fine to have a skinny cow ice cream sandwich (normally fine for me--140 calories) WITH a small piece of cake!!! Am I crazy??!! What did I think, I was at a birthday party?? No one was singing.

I never deprive myself of anything--I could've had that small pc. of cake LATER... why at the same time as the ice cream I do not know. BUT I did it and within minutes, I was crapping my brains out (to put it nicely). WOOOOOOO EEEEEEE that was some crazy ride on the toilet to hell!!! LOLOLOL.

I lost a pound since the morning! (LOL--of course I hada' weigh myself to see) It was no fun boys and girls. Don't try that in your house.

I was so happy to be reminded that my intestines, pouchy thing, etc., is wired up right!! It was a gentle reminder not to try that sh*t again!!

So, Melting Mama--if you're out there--I may indeed have a pouch of steel, but it sure ain't iron!!!

What's for lunch??

I'm an extremely optimistic person. I'm almost always happy. I like meeting new people.

But, today I'm feeling this--

You say tomato, I say f**k you. I'm just mad about people who judge. Strangers mostly, not friends or family.

Okay, this is why I'm so mad today--

When I was fat, I was standing on line waiting to get on a bus (four months pregnant by the way) and I was eating an ice cream. So this guy in front of me says--"you really don't need to be eating that!" omG, don't worry, I let him have it (not the ice cream).

So, now I'm really thin, size extra-small. So, I'm discreetly eating a few jellybeans in a weight loss support group meeting, and someone tells me that I have a lot of nerve eating that when other people are struggling!

So, F*** the man on line at the bus, F*** the person at the meeting. And F*** the horse they rode in on also.

Don't eat jellybeans when you're fat (you may offend thin people) and don't eat them when you're thin (you may offend fat people).

I have an idea. How about having some respect for the food you're eating and don't eat the whole dam* bag of them?? You can do that when you're fat or thin. That's why I like Weight Watchers so much (I've been a member for 30 years)--they don't put any foods off limits--there is no need for deprivation to lose weight and live a normal life.

Sometimes I wish alot of people would STFU and leave me alone!

Just when I was talking about being kinda' normal at 19 months out, last night I had dinner, then I wanted some ice cream (ben and jerry's lowfat chocolate fudge brownie). but i had nothing to put it in. so I had a coffee cup that was 1/4 full with decaf. so instead of pouring it in the sink, i drank it. Then, I had the ice cream (about 1/4 cup). I had a salad for dinner about a half hour before. food. coffee. ice cream. too much too fast--I never drink liquid so fast after eating (except maybe a sip). so I threw up chocolate liquid. It's the first time I threw up in a really long time. So, stuff still happens. Thank G-d.

And a new WOW moment for me!!! I'm still having them! So, I've always wanted to get on one of those What's Your Weight?? Machines that you see at the rest stop bathrooms, but I would NEVER (and often wondered who would).

Well, I got on it, after lunch, in my sneakers!!! And I LOVED seeing my weight!! 25 cents and a smile!! Here's a pic!

I've been working very hard on my career and it has been taking up a lot more of my time than I ever thought. I am loving it, but I didn't expect all this. Juggling time with my family is much easier than I thought it would be. When I was home all the time, it was like--we can do this tomorrow, but now with such limited time, we're like--let's do this now...

My eating has been great. My staple foods are chickpeas, avocados, beans and beets. I live on those four foods. I still love the Cedarlane bean burritos, the Boca Breakfast Wrap has been discontinued. I like the new Dunkin' Donuts veggie eggwhite flatbread sandwich too. Every morning I drink a Keurig Hot Cocoa.

For the past three months my weight has been the same within one pound, so whatever I'm doing must be just right. I eat whatever/wherever I want. I usually do not eat until I'm full--I eat until I'm satisfied.

I'm so happy it's really scary. This is just like when someone says they're in their "own private hell" only it's the opposite--I'm in my own private happy. And really no one cares or wants to hear about it, lol. So I'd rather be in private happy than private hell if no one's gonna' care. LOL.

On the Stone Harbor, NJ beach with Steve.

Here's another good food that I LOVE. Dark Chocolate covered bananas--only 130 calories each. I buy them at Whole Foods.

http://www.dianasbananas.com/

Now that I'm  42, I realize that whatever I got from my parents may not be exactly what I wanted to get, but I am thankful for what I have. Somehow I came out pretty good, so I guess I got their best qualities.

The other day I was walking down the street and some guy said to me that I should thank my mother for the great genes she gave me! That's funny!! Well, my body does have great proportions, and that is genetic, so I guess he's right--it's still the funniest thing I ever heard.

My mom has always been very critical of everything about me. She has always said I'm just too sensitive. She thinks I should be thankful that she says it like it is. I'm sure she's wrong.

All I ever wanted was for my mom to tell me that in her eyes, I'm perfect. Even as a fat person--perfect to her--as a thin person--perfect to her--that I'm her daughter and I'm beautiful, smart, funny and ridiculously perfect to her. That will never happen. I think every little girl wants to hear that from their mom. If they never get that feeling that their mom thinks they're "just right the way they are" then they grow up looking for that acceptance somewhere else and sometimes never find it. I found it within myself. I am so in love with myself no matter what. Probably forever, that little girl inside me will still be looking for her mom to say "to me, you are perfect just the way you are." I'll never get that. But, what I will get is my own little girl to always feel great about herself. She will always feel secure that her personality, her "way of being," her looks and everything else is just perfect to me. I will always truly feel that way about her no matter what she does, how she acts or what she wears or what size she is--I will love her unconditionally and she will always know it through my words and physical affection.

I think that's how little girls form their personalities and body images--from how their mamma's make them feel. I have always felt terribly inadequate in my mother's eyes--whether it is the way I comb my hair, wear my clothes, do my make up or the size of my body--it's never good to her. I make up for it very easily by telling myself that she is wrong as can be, and she has no idea what she's talking about, and that I'm just right the way I am.

So, anyway, to get to the point, the other day my mom said (talking about how I look) "I don't like skinny people. You know how some people can't stand fat people? Well, I can't stand skinny people. I get physically sick when I see skinny people. They remind me of skeletons. Their heads look big and there is no body." She says, it's not just me, but all skinny people, so I shouldn't be offended. Is she kidding??? She is not.

I'm thinking when I was fat if she told me how teeny my head looked with my big fat body, I'd probably crawl into my bed and stay there for a couple of days. But luckily for me, she likes fat people.

My mom spends lots of time with my kids and she is loving, and nice and complimentary to them. She is always telling them how wonderful they are. Thank G-d. But I tell myself that if she thought I was wonderful she would have acted that way toward me, but bottom line is that she never felt that way about me. If I had to sum up her feelings toward me, I'd say she loves me but that I'm ungrateful, selfish and too skinny. That's what she's been saying all my life, minus the skinny part and add too fat instead.

In 1998, I went to this weight loss spa (Green Mountain at Fox Run) in Vermont for eight weeks. I saw a behavioral therapist. I really believed that if I had a note from my mom that said why she loved me (besides that I was her daughter) I would be so happy  and whenever I needed a little "pick me up" I could look at it and be happy. I thought it would help me lose weight. So I asked her to write it. She said she was too busy because she was just retiring from teaching that year, and maybe in the summer. So I waited and I reminded her. Well, ten years later, I guess it's not coming.

It is great to watch her with my kids and see that maybe it's just me that she feels this way about and she can be a loving, happy grandmother to my kids. I know for sure she loves me, she just has a funny way of showing it. I speak to her on the phone every day. We have a pretty good relationship--but not the kind where I can call  her up and we can go shopping or get our nails done or go out to lunch--that would never happen--she's not interested. But the good thing is, I can do all those things with my own daughter. The feeling that something's missing fades as my own daughter grows older.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on and on about my mom--and mommy if you're reading this, you know I love you, but I guess this is me telling it like it is. The skinny people comments just got me thinking a lot about things...(my mom says she doesn't read my blog anyway--she'd rather read a good novel and blogging is not for her--she is too busy--she just looks at my blog to look for pictures of my kids!) Ugghh...

that counts as a fruit and a milk.

someone once told me "never pity the chicken" What she meant was that if you eat chicken and then you start feeling terrible about the poor chicken that died for you to eat it, well--you really should not have eaten it--you did not enjoy it and then it was a poor chicken that died in vain.

I took a big lesson from that. Make a decision to eat something. Savor it. Enjoy it. Take responsibility for your decision to eat something wonderful. Eat it slowly. DO NOT feel bad after!!!

Otherwise, why bother??

Once in a while, enjoying something like that is good for you. Skinny people eat ice cream all the time. 

It's not about WHAT you eat--it's about your relationship and respect for yourself and food.

It really is a fruit and a milk, trust me...