The last year has been an interesting expedition and I thought I would share what it has been like.

Me in late 2007:



I spent New Year's Eve in a hospital. Doctors told us that my mum would not make it to the new year. It was probably one of the most surreal New Year's celebrations I had ever lived through.

Unable to stay longer, I flew out on the 2nd. My mum, stubborn woman that she was, was holding on still. My sister was flying in, and I had to fly out.

The next day, the 3rd, I had my final visit with my PCP for my sixth month of my six month diet. I had no joy over finishing up the diet. Somehow everything seemed less important. Of course I'd been up pretty solidly from the 27th through the 3rd. Sleep deprivation and the anxiety over an impending loss had taken their toll out of me.

On the fourth, I met with my surgeon for my consultation. I weighed 303 lbs. It was an anticlimax more due to my own lack of heart to focus on real-life issues because of my mum. Hearing that mum was dying of colon cancer the surgeon wasn't going to let me have surgery until I had a colonoscopy, just to be sure that there were no issues. Otherwise his staff would submit the paperwork for me.

Later that evening, January 4th, my mum passed away. Here is a picture of her, on her 60th birthday, a year before she died:



The next six weeks were spent in getting the colonoscopy, and in trying to get the stupid office person at my surgeon's office to submit the paperwork to get me approved. In early February, I finally got so tired of their ineptitude, I submitted the paperwork myself. I was approved immediately, and scheduled for surgery on March 18th. My approval was Valentine's Day.

The next month was spent in getting my affairs in order and preparing for several weeks of substitute teachers while I would be out. I had no pre-op diet, and stress and a little bit of last-meal syndrome kept me from losing very much.

March 17, St. Patrick's DAy, I weighed in at 293. Part of me was having second thoughts. The emotional trauma of losing mum took it's toll on me. Could I do something that could, possibly, result in my death and this sort of trauma for my hubby? It was hard to choose, and I was still undecided on my drive to the hospital on the 18th. Undecided while we filled out the paperwork. Undecided while they prepped me for surgery. Undecided when they gave me Versed and hubby gave me a kiss. I did finally make my mind up.... in the recovery room. Surgery wasn't worth it, I decided. Of course, I had already had itl

The hospital was surreal, recuperating from the surgery, learning my new body, worried about all the "bad" things I'd heard about on OH, etc.

After two nights in the hospital I was grateful for the chance to go home. While I remember feeling very lucid and clear headed, my memory from those first two weeks at home is NOT as lucid. The worst thing those first two weeks was a horrendous reaction to the steristrips or the anaesthetic, hives all over my body. I didn't worry about my food limits, or about anything, the only agenda item I had was to NOT SCRATCH my horrible rash. Here is a picture of it, before it got bad: 



Luckily after two weeks, the itchies faded, and exactly 14 days after surgery, I was back at work, at 268 lbs, down 25 lbs. I was glad that I'd recorded my lectures so for the first week back, I only had to play the lecture and have the kids pay attention.

Learning how to refocus eating and drinking and supplementation was pretty easy. I set my mind to do it, and I did it. I never had any issues with drinking, though I figured out early on I was a dumper and lactose intolerant. My surgeon's plan had me on liquids and mushy food for two months following surgery. It was the end of the school year before I could begin to work on solid food.

By the time I was three months out, I was enjoying salads, and down 50 lbs from maximum: 



Except for a few times when I ate too fast, I had NO problems from the surgery. My stomach healed quickly, and within a month my incisions were fully healed: 



Over the summer I learned that few foods bothered me. Eggs were hit-or-miss but nearly all foods were good for me. There were only three big "issues" I had... I couldn't drink water without it making my stomach upset, I couldn't eat breakfast without the same issue, and I couldn't eat fish.

My favorite food postop is shrimp, which gives me a sense of well-being that is hard to describe.

By the time I was six months out, I was down 70 pounds from surgery: 



I was starting to feel incredible, wearing size 18 or 20 pants, and my old stuff was just falling off my body. I continued to have problems with tuna, water, and breakfast, not to mention dumping and milk, but overall, I felt very good about everything.

By Christmas of this year, I was down to 198, which is 95 pounds post surgery, and 158 pounds total.



I still have 42 pounds left to lose, so the journey is not over, but it's been an amazing and emotional journey.

Whoever you're voting for,
Go Vote!!!

Someone asked me “Why Should I Vote For Obama” I felt strong enough to write the following message to her, and I thought I would share it with a few of my friends.

I am choosing Obama. I must begin my statement with the information that I am a registered Democrat (I've been a registered republican too). I was inclined to vote for the democratic candidate no matter who he/she was. I did not vote for Obama in the primaries.

Having said that, I can say that I now feel stronger about Obama as a presidential candidate since my first presidential election (1988 I think). I have always felt somewhat apathetic about the presidential elections. Always thought that the choices were uninspiring. The lesser of two evils even.

WHY do I feel strongly about Obama? I am going to blame McCain. Before the RNC, I was still somewhat indifferent to the election process. With McCain a senator here in AZ, I've been known to think that he would perhaps make a pretty good president even if he was a republican. Thus my opinion on the subject was fairly neutral, leaning democratic. Then McCain sort of sealed the deal by choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate.

As I learned about Sarah Palin's views about key issues, including the right of a woman to decide the fate of her own body, I was frightened. When I heard her ignorance on key topics, not least of which include the actual role of the Vice President, I was more frightened. When racist and hate messages were shouted at her rallies and she did not try to quell negativity and bigotry and ignorance, I was appalled. When she spoke lie after lie and the entire slant of her speeches was focused on negativity (what I heard of them, and NO I did not listen to any complete speech she ever made) I was absolutely determined that I did not want her as commander in chief of this nation.

My focus turned back to McCain, and I doubted his character in a way I never did before. My respect for him as a relatively honest and straightforward politician took a nosedive. Especially when I heard him standing on the podium and lying. The other day I heard him misquoting Biden and stating that Biden said that "because of his inexperience" Obama would be tested in the opening months of his presidency. Biden did NOT say that. To imply that he did is deception. To SAY that he did is a lie. Another speech this weekend by McCain I heard him saying that Obama was all for the recent bailout while he, McCain was not for it. If he wasn't for it, and voted for it, then what does that say about his character? His "spin" is deplorable.

To be absolutely truthful, I want Obama to win more because I don't want McCain/Palin as the winners of this contest than because I want Obama to BE the winner. But I do want Obama as president.

What is strange to me is that my feelings are based on the promises of both candidates. I do NOT want McCain to be president because his promises are not encouraging to me as a middle class educator in the state of Arizona. His taxing of health care, education vouchers, and lack of tax relief for the middle class bother me. So the thought of his living up to his promises scares me, because I see in his plans the chance that MY situation in life, as a middle-class American, and as an educator, getting more grim. Selfish? Perhaps, but that is my prerogative as a voter. Beyond my own financial situation, I see his education ideas as being detrimental to the education of MY students, who are all poverty-stricken, and for whom vouchers will provide nothing but a more impoverished school than ever before.

If Obama lives up to his promises, I see some change and reevaluation of the education system, and hope that this re-evaluation leads to positive change in education, a change that will help my students achieve a brighter future. Obama seems to understand that changes in education need to take place in more places than the classroom. He notes that there is a responsibility with the parents as well. As an educator I get so tired of everyone blaming every failure of the educational system ON the educational system, when some are due to societal ills, or compounded by societal ills. That realism touches my heart.

In addition to the positive changes that I see as possible in education, I also see that there will be some tax relief for my husband and myself. We are both educators with Masters degrees. Yet our compensation as educators is ridiculous compared to anyone else with a similar level of education. We chose this path, and that limitation, but it will certainly be nice if we see some sort of easing up of tax burdens on us. We live in a tiny little house, have only one car, and rarely have any sort of indulgence compared to the average family. It would be nice to be able to afford a little bit more, relax a little financially.

Do I expect either candidate to live up to ALL of their promises? No, because I am a realist. I understand that they are ALL politicians.

I watched Obama's infomercial. I wanted to be informed. I wanted as much of the information available as possible. I've read reams of stuff about the plans each candidate has, as well as listened to discussions about their speeches. In the end, when I compare the two candidates, I find that McCain's advertisements and slant on his campaign are all negative. He wants to scare people into voting for him. To me that is a tactic of a terrorist, someone who wants to gain the upper hand through tactics of terror. If he terrorizes people into voting for him through fear, how does that make him any better than a terrorist who uses a bomb to get across their point? The bomb-using terrorist wants to spread a message far beyond those who are physically injured by his bomb, and the person who uses fear of terrorists is allowing the terror to decide people's minds for them. McCain wants you to be so frightened of the future that you vote for him. I find this tactic sickening. In truth, I fear that we are up for some new "threat from beyond" regardless of the man who is at the helm in 2009. But I am not convinced that the only man able to handle this threat is McCain. In truth, McCain's erratic behavior and befuddled manner lead me to really truly worry about him much more than Obama. I've been in Arizona 8 years, and followed McCain's career and seen him speak numerous times. He's changed and it's not a good change. He is but a shadow of his former self. That worries me. I believe that Obama is smart enough to surround himself by highly qualified individuals who have the ability to think clearly, and to bolster the weaknesses that are bound to be within any HUMAN on the earth. Obama sure isn't perfect, but he's incredibly intelligent and his message of hope and peace resonates in my heart. His running mate has impressed me with his high level of intelligence.

In short, I'd prefer a highly intelligent man with a highly intelligent running mate who have promises that, if kept, will improve my own financial situation, as well as improve the financial situation of the title I school at which I teach, as compared to an elderly and erratic man who has shown decided mental deterioration in the last year with an intellectually challenged running mate whose promises, if kept, will damage my own financial situation and that of the school where I teach.

I know my reasons and meanings here are all sort of mixed up, and I hope this all makes sense. The stress of this campaign, of caring, of worrying about the results of this election have been giving me nightmares for the last month. I haven't slept well in all of that time. The fear and hatred that is promoted by McCain and Palin does strike terror in my heart. Terror that they will take the reins of our country and damage it beyond recognition or redemption. It is only the hope I get from Obama's positive campaign that allows me any comfort.

May you make a choice that resonates with your own heart, whatever it might be. And may every American who has the right to vote get the chance to vote. My hope is that the will of the people will decide this election.