I don't believe it.  I've lost 70 lbs.  I'm wearing smaller clothes.  Everyone says how good I look.  But I don't believe I've lost so much weight.

I think I have body dismorphia.  You know the thing that makes anorexics look in the mirror and say, "Ewww.  I'm still so FAT!" 

Problem is, I have it in reverse.  I never believed I looked that big.  I saw photos and thought, "I'm not THAT big."  I just uploaded pictures taken about a week after surgery, when I was down 13-15 pounds.  I'm comparing them to the ones taken and uploaded last week, on my 6-month "surgiversary".  The six month pictures look like the concept I had of my body then... when I weighed 271.  So they are extremely disappointing to me.  Then I see the pictures of me from six months ago and #$%*(@!!!  I was huge.  I'm still big, but I was huge...REALLY. HUGE.

I'm feeling a bit disconcerted by the idea of all the people over the years who said, "you don't look like you weigh that much" and "I just never think of you as fat".  Even one of the nurses at the hospital said after my surgery, "Why did you do this?  You're proportionate!"

I'm also aware of how old I look in these pictures.  People usually guess me around 11 years younger than I am.  Is it because they're trying to be kind, or does my face just droop from the weightloss?

I'm looking at my pictures, then and now, and trying to send love to that woman...right where she was/is.

Today is my 6 month surgiversary.  I am down 70 lbs.  My journey has been easier than some.

I haven't got the six month tests back yet, so I will hold off posting more until I hear from the doctor.

Okay, aside from the fact that it’s my birthday and I ate some chocolate, I AM doing pretty well. 

I went for my 3 month follow-up visit this week.  I was disappointed when I got on the scale.  My scale at home has been acting up and was exaggerating a little.  The nurse said, “You’ve lost 18 pounds since the last time I saw you!”

So according to the doctor’s scales, I’ve lost 51 pounds; according to mine, 60 lbs.  The hard part to deal with is that I lost most of that in the first eight weeks.

When I saw the nurse practitioner, Dory Ferraro — a woman who has dedicated her life to this field — she was thrilled with my 51 pounds.     

I told her that I had been stalled for a month.  She said, “That’s just the way the human body works.  You will start again, but you’ve done remarkably well!”

She told me that in her field, they don’t measure success by pounds lost.  They go by percentage of excess weight that has been lost.  She said at my pre-op visit, I was 128 pounds overweight according to standard weight charts.  I have lost 40% of that excess weight already.  Forty percent off is what they hope to see in a patient at six months post-operatively.  She said I was not only right where I should be, I was at the head of the pack.  She said they did not want me to lose faster than I had. 

She knows that I post in an online group.  She asked be to PLEASE tell people “it’s not about the pounds… it’s about the percentages!"  And that we can’t really measure our differences in our individual weight losses against each others’ results.  We have to re-think how we view weight loss.

So, Happy birthday to me!  Right?

Wow.  Thirteen weeks.  I'm down 60 pounds.  Only 10 in the last 5 weeks, but still losing, thank goodness!  Some new things I've noticed:

No BP meds from first week. 

Can share seats on the train better.

Great excuse to buy more clothes.

Cut waaayyy back on food costs!!!

I'm not as "invisible" as I was.

I am SO GLAD I did this!!!

Watermelon!  It's fiber and water and it tastes better than watery oatmeal!

I wen't back to the office on Tuesday, my 11 week surgiversary.  As I pass the fruitstand down the block, I pick up a container of watermelon.  Aside from Tuesday, I haven't had trouble with getting enough fluids in!  YAY!

I happened to come back during "Secretaries' Week".  At our firm they call it "Staff Appreciation Week.  They had an Ice Cream Social (I had nuts) and a pastry breakfast. (I had a little egg, feta and bacon from a wrap.)

Great to see everybody!

Prais-a-lu-jah!

The scale is moving again.  After a 2 week stall, I lost another 5 pounds.  Moreover, my clothes are getting bigger!

I'm returning to work Tuesday.  I'm excited, but nervous too.  It's going to be tiring, I expect.

Nothing.  Well practically... I lost ONE POUND this past week.  My butt size went down, but not the scale.

It doesn't bother me.  I know I'm PMSing.  I still dropped a pants size this week and a half.  I know that this is still working and THANKFULLY, I've met so many people on the RNY board who have had these "stalls". 

So I'm still cheerful and engaged, but a just little teeny tiny bit disappointed.

There are times that it seems the scale doesn't move for days... then it edges down, 3 pounds, 5 pounds, slowly adding up.

As of today, I've lost 50 Pounds!  And it's just under 8 weeks since the surgery!

I'm wearing clothes from 5-7 years ago!

I'm stunned.