Ok I am ahead of schedule on my goals. I wanted to be down 100lbs a year from my inital consult which would be Aug 23. Well I have hit that goal. I am down to 257 YAY! I would hope to be down a 100lbs from surgery but that may be too much pressure. So I leave my goals the way they are. But I will tell you how much I weigh on that day. This has got me a bit out of my rut but I still need to adjust my life so that the sadness goes away. I know what I need to do and I am setting down that path. I just needed a wake up call to stop bull shitting. Thanks to those who read my blogs and offer me so much support, it's really appreciated.

I am hoping that typing this out will help how I'm feeling right now. I have been crying for no reason...at least not one that I can pin point at this moment. I guess I just feel out of place. I am originally from Chicago and I guess I feel like I miss my friends sometimes but deep down I don't think that's it. Yeah I miss it but I don't think there is anything left there for me. I had a lot of friends and people who always kept in touch now don't. I don't have that many friends out here in Arizona as I did back there but I don't think that bothers me so much. School is so screwed up right now, I have to totally change my gameplan this semester so that threw me off. I just don't know where I fit in. I still don't feel like Glendale/Phoenix is my home. Oh and I am in debt and I see that never ending. And guess what through all of this I don't have my most reliable crutch....FOOD! Maybe that's where the tears are coming from. I could barely read to my son yesterday because I was crying. It's getting depressing. I don't have a large family so I got no where to run and hide or seek help. I do however have the four most important people in the world living with me, my son, my husband and my parents. Without them I think I would be having a nervous breakdown but I don't know why that's not enough right now. Where the hell does Julie belong?!

Hello everyone! I woke up to this amazing off key little voice singing happy birthday to me. It was the best way to wake up this morning and it's been great. These past couple of days I have gone to the spa and had a massage and got a pedicure...things I wouldn't have done pre-op. I feel so happy and relaxed and I hope I can continue to enjoy the positive energy I have gotten since surgery.I did reach my goal for my birthday which was 275 and exceeded by one pound Yay!. I just wanted to share how happy I am. I haven't felt this girly in a long time. I hid behind jeans and hoodies for way too long. Anyway peace love and happy fourth of July!

It's been almost a month since my last post. Let's see protein is still the most challenging, I am doing better at my vitamins, I get my water in most of the time and I have been excerising. My hair is till coming out pretty badly and that makes me sad. But otherwise I have no complaints. I am trying to do what I need to do to make this a success and it has be a trip getting there. I am not a model WLS patient but I am a work in progress. I have loss 54 lbs since surgery and I am really happy about that. I see the scale move but it's still not easy to get rid of that 54 when looking in the mirror. I think I am a slow loser compared to others I read about. Makes me a little disappointed but I try to stay positive and tell myself things will happen when it's suppose to. I could still be 357lbs??? So I won't complain too much about losing slowly. I just want to get as much off as I possibly can before the "honeymoon" phase is over with you know? My birthday is coming up and I am so excited to be going for a massage, something I would have never done before but I want to do something different for my bday. Things are so weird when you can't revolve your life around food. 

My potassium was super low and I had to take liquid potassium.....THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO AVOID!!! It is disgusting. I never got any down because I kept vomiting it up. Maybe if I were a bit more dilagent with my vitamins it may not have happened but who knows. I was having some numbness and swelling in my left leg. My docs office hasn't made a big deal about it so I am hoping it will go away or I'll have to get a bit more proactive with their office. It's doesn't bother me but I know the issue is there. I don't think I will meet my goal of 275 for my birthday which is a little over a week away but I will keep you posted. I think I will be soooo happy if I can master this whole protein thing. Who knew it would be such a pain to get in. Well Chow!

Ok I am going out with a freind today. I don't get out often so I try to buy something nice to wear when an "event" comes up. Well yesterday my mom and I went to a clothing store so I could find an outfit. After trying on half the store it just felt like nothing fit right. Even down a size smaller I was sooooo picky. I just felt overly large in EVERYTHING! I was so excited to go shopping knowing that I could possibly a size smaller. What is wrong with me? And on top of that my hair is coming out by the hand fulls. I am so depressed at this moment. My super thick hair is thinning out and I don't know what to do. My husband is no help. I am actually finding him annoying right now because he just doesn't understand what I am going through. Hopefully my comedy show tonight will help me laugh off some of this stress and sad behavior. I'm sure I am the only one out there on OH who feels confused and "unpretty" about being a size smaller. I look in the mirror and I don't see a change. Am I just being greedy? Is my 40+ weight loss just not enough? Maybe I am just in a bad mood. Oh well......