Members like you asked, and OH’s network of professionals answered!

Question

My best friend is considering weight loss surgery because my surgery was so successful. Why do I feel so jealous? - Michelle

Answer

Michelle,
For most of us, particularly when our weight loss surgery has been successful, it is a very special thing to encourage others that we care about to make a similar health- and life-changing choice. That’s why it can feel so jarring and confusing when feelings of jealousy enter the picture. Be assured, the feelings are not unusual. You didn’t mention how far out from the surgery you are, and that may make a difference, but, that said, there may be a number of reasons for these feelings.

Perhaps for you, weight loss surgery has felt like a very special and almost unique gift. Remember a time as a kid when you had something very special that your best friend wanted a part of. Remember the feeling of “It’s MINE—and you can’t have it!” That may give you some ideas about what is happening now. It didn’t mean that you were selfish, but it did mean that what you had was very special for you. Well, this may be a similar “mine” feeling.

Perhaps there is something about your success that has made you feel different and unique, that has made you stand out and get attention. Particularly in the beginning, when all of that encouragement is really important to compliance and new life changes, it’s a normal reaction to want to remain in that special position and not want to share the “limelight” with your best friend. After all, there were so many years you may have stayed in the shadows and now is your time to shine. So, not really wanting to share that position—including feelings of jealousy—isn’t really unusual.

Maybe even more important are the feelings of competition that we as women all share. What if your best friend is even more successful than you were? What if she loses more weight, becomes healthier than you, begins a significant relationship, becomes the center of your group’s attention? What if you regain weight and she doesn’t? All of these things are possible, and, for almost everyone, those feelings of competition could cause jealousy. All of this said, your feelings don’t mean that you are a bad person or even a bad friend. The feelings of wanting exclusivity with your surgery as well as feelings of completion exist for most of us.

For now, try to put the feelings aside. Share with your friend the good, bad and ugly of the surgery so that she can make the most informed and best decision for her. Remember how important support was to you after surgery. She will need your friendship, and, as the years pass, you may also need her support during the difficult post-surgical times that may occur in the future. For all of us, support is one of the keys to long-term success. If she chooses surgery, you will be in a wonderful position to support each other on the journey, leading to more successful forever health and deepening friendship.

Merle Cantor Goldberg, LCSW, DSCW, CEDS
Psychotherapist

Question

How much exercise a day is considered adequate for a beginner? I weigh 360 pounds and find walking painful, so it’s hard to keep going after a few minutes. - Kathy

Answer

Kathy,
Even beginners will have different abilities and limitations, so the answer to this question will vary from case to case. In your case, performing small amounts of exercise each day is a great place to start, while also keeping in mind that exercise is cumulative. In other words, it is not necessary to perform all of your exercise in a single session.

Instead, you can perform multiple shorter sessions each day and get the same benefits. Maybe you can comfortably walk 30-60 seconds at a time; that is fine. Just start by doing this two or three times a day and each week make small increases in either the number of sessions you perform each day or the duration of each session.

Something else to consider is the form of exercise you participate in. Since you mentioned that walking causes pain, you may want to perform an alternative form of exercise such as water aerobics (if you have access), recumbent biking, seated resistance training or one of a variety of other exercise choices that do not require you to stand supporting your entire body weight with your feet.

Perhaps that most important thing of all is to find something you enjoy. If you dread participating in the form of physical activity you have chosen, your chances of continuing are pretty slim. If you can find something you enjoy, it will go a long way for long-term success.

Jeremy Gentles, CSCS
Fitness Expert

Remember, while the professionals contributing to Ask OH are highly skilled and well-qualified in their fields, they don’t know all of the details of your personal situation. OH Magazine and the professionals contributing to Ask OH make no promises, guarantees, representations or warranties, expressed or implied, and assume no duty or liability with regard to the information contained herein. Discuss the answers you receive and any further questions you may have with your personal healthcare team.

When ObesityHelp members were asked to nominate fellow members as an “inspiration,” Shelley, a.k.a. jakes_mom03, sent an email saying her inspiration was “hands down: PK!” Theresa, known as “Plumpkitty” on the OH boards, is a fixture on ObesityHelp.com, and is what Shelly calls an “amazing person.”

Theresa has lost 187 pounds, and is enjoying an active life at a svelte 140. She discovered OH before her September 2006 surgery. Surgery left her mostly bedridden for a while, which meant she didn’t do much web surfing, but that all changed when she was able to get up and around more easily. She says, “Around January of 2007 I discovered the RNY board and fell in love with the people there. I enjoyed the debates, discussions and questions that filled the boards. I quickly went from ‘lurker’ to posting addict over a couple of months. By my six-month ‘surgiversary’ in March, I had a strong connection with many other OHers and had finally found my place on earth.”

Theresa has since racked up thousands of hours posting on ObesityHelp.com. Most of her posts describe her post-op life and what works and doesn’t work. Many of them are meant to be silly in the hopes that they will cheer people up (including herself!). In the end, though, Theresa aims to be helpful to others that may find her online.

Theresa’s health has improved dramatically over time and her life has changed immensely, but she doesn’t take the little things for granted: “I lead a very simple life. My major accomplishments are likely dull to the average Jane, but to me they are pretty huge.” Among her accomplishments are house hunting and then buying a house, caring for her mother after a serious heart attack and flying to Florida to meet other OH members for her first cruise—none of which would have been possible before surgery.

Theresa claims her biggest accomplishment is “living a healthy life without the constant struggles of being morbidly obese.” While that is truly a wonderful feat, Shelley might beg to differ, because making a positive impact on the lives of others is one of the most amazing accomplishments anyone can ever hope to achieve. Theresa has done that time and again.

Visit Theresa online at www.ObesityHelp.com/member/plumpkitty/.

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It’s your first time on a date in, well . . . a long time. In fact, it’s been long enough that you’re a new person now. Whether you’ve lost a great deal of weight, are just beginning to lose weight, or are approaching dating with a new sense of courage and gumption, there are a few things to keep in mind when getting back into the dating scene after some time away, says Mary Jo Rapini, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping bariatric patients in Houston, Texas.

“It can be so intimidating when you first start out,” says Rapini, who suggests starting to mix it up at parties, church groups or other large groups where you can meet people of both sexes—potential dates as well as potential friends. Joining up with a large social group can be a lot more comfortable, and you can meet people and decide whether you’d like to spend more one-on-one time after you’ve seen how someone behaves in a more natural group activity. It’s an easier way to get to know someone than jumping right into the—gulp!—first date.....click here to read more.

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In the ongoing war with the scale, we measure our successes and failures in a variety of ways. We look at our changing waist sizes, the number of pounds gained or lost, the calories consumed or the diet plans, programs or pills that we have attempted with inconsistent results. Most of these measures involve some numeric standard—pounds, inches, sizes, distances or time frames.

In my personal journey, however, I have to measure my success by the meter!
Before I underwent gastric bypass surgery in November 2003, I had difficulty walking for even short distances, due to compromised breathing, chest pain and severe lower back difficulty. Everything I attempted was measured by the distance required. How far did I have to walk from the parking spot to the door of that house, restaurant, theater or store? How far from that chair to the restroom? How many steps or stairs to that next meeting? How long was that airport security line?

In my life as a special education administrator and consultant, as well as a professional actor and singer, many of my responsibilities depended upon those answers. I often had to walk from various theaters, offices or schools in New York City to the nearest parking lot, and even that proved to be a task of Herculean proportions. I began to play a little game with myself: could I get past a few parking meters without having to stop and rest due to unbearable pain? On my few “good days,” I could make it past three or four parking meters; on bad days I was happy to make it to one....click here to read more.

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Who Needs Calcium?

Contrary to popular belief, calcium is not just for children and women. Men who include more dairy products in their diets, especially low-fat varieties, may have a lower risk of developing Type 2 diabetes.

The Calcium and Vitamin D Relationship

Calcium in combination with vitamin D builds healthy bones. Adults through age 50 need 200 IU of vitamin D daily, with 400 IU for ages 51 to 70, and 600 IU for those over age 70. These recommendations were set to prevent severe bone disease, but studies suggest that the best levels for overall health may be in the range of 800 to 1,000 IU a day. The safest way to get calcium and vitamin D is from fortified foods....read more in ObesityHelp's Nutrition Forum!

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If you have been a member of ObesityHelp or reading OH Magazine for a while, you have had a chance to meet some really wonderful people. We caught up with a few of our friends who have been featured in the past to find out where they are now and what they are doing.

Writing and Inspiring

Allison Bottke - Featured in OH Magazine 2005 Issue 4

Since her Fall 2005 OH cover, Allison Bottke’s career as an inspirational author and speaker has continued to soar. With 23 published books to her credit, she has joined a relatively small contingent of professional writers able to work in the publishing worlds of both nonfiction and fiction.

Allison’s first two novels, A Stitch in Time and One Little Secret, are currently being shopped in Hollywood for possible screenplays. A series of three novels geared for “fashionable boomer babes” will be published by David C. Cook Publishers. The first book in the Va Va Va Boom trilogy is called I Could Have Danced All Night and releases in 2009.

Her newest nonfiction book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents, is published by Harvest House and has garnered great reviews. A significant component of this book is the SANITY Support Group, a national support group network that is springing up from coast-to-coast to empower parents to set boundaries.

“Since my gastric bypass surgery in October of 2000, I’ve lost 120 pounds and I’m happy to say I’ve kept it off. It’s not been an easy journey, but all-in-all it’s been an amazing ride and I’d have the surgery again in a heartbeat,” Allison said from her home in Dallas, Texas. “I don’t think I could have accomplished all that I have if I still weighed 280 pounds. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and I feel incredibly blessed to be living the dreams of my heart.” Learn more about Allison at www.AllisonBottke.com.

A Decade of Success

Craig “Big-T” Thompson - Featured in OH Magazine 2005 Issue 2

“The day I went in for gastric bypass surgery, I weighed exactly 400 pounds. Back then, I couldn’t imagine standing on stage in London, singing Sinatra classics for a crowd of 14,000 music lovers. I couldn’t imagine dancing with my wife to a live big band during an outdoor concert on an autumn night in New England. And, I certainly could never have fathomed playing three rounds of racquetball together and living to tell the tale.
“Of course, we weren’t married back then, and truth be told, I’m not sure she would have found me all that appealing. I know I didn’t. But, within a year of weight loss surgery, I went from a size 56 to a 34, and my life has never been the same since.

“This May marks the 11th anniversary of my gastric bypass, and I am thrilled to say that I have kept off nearly 200 pounds for more than a decade. In fact, I am more fit now than I have been since I joined the Navy at age 17.

“When it comes to my long-term success, exercise and the changes to my diet are only half the equation. For me, most of the changes happened in the gray matter between my ears. I am continually reminded that the weight was only a symptom. To have the life I dreamed of, I needed to change not just how I managed food, but also how I managed my emotions. Today, I offer up a daily prayer of gratitude and practice the disciplines needed to maintain a healthy weight, so I can enjoy the life I could once only imagine.”

Paying It Forward

Amy Williams - Featured in OH Magazine 2004 Issue 4

“I was originally featured in OH Magazine with an article on a condition I have, lymphedema, and my struggle with obesity. Since then, I have lost over 400 pounds, and four years later have maintained my loss. I have undergone a tummy tuck and arm lift. Losing the weight has greatly improved my lymphedema and my life has done a complete 180.

“Although lymphedema is something I will always struggle with, it hasn’t stopped me from living out my dreams. I have done things I never thought possible, like driving a car again, riding in an airplane, starting an OH support group, doing patient advocacy work for lymphedema and obesity, speaking at an ObesityHelp event, doing an update show for MTV’s True Life ‘This is me now,’ and so much more.

“I now continue to pay it forward to the bariatric community I have grown to love. I work with a local hospital’s bariatric program as a bariatric patient advocate; my role impacts the lives of hundreds of people. It brings me great joy to know the work I do will potentially improve someone’s life and there are no greater words than to tell a patient, ‘You are approved!’ God has blessed me with a second chance at life, and I don’t take one minute or breath for granted.”

To read more about Amy, please visit www.obesityhelp.com/member/amywilliams/ and www.amylhwilliams.com.

Losing It All

Ron Lester - Featured in OH Magazine 2005 Issue 1

Ron Lester weighed about 580 pounds when he had gastric bypass surgery in June 2000. Since then, he’s had 17 plastic surgeries and even his gallbladder removed—a total of 20 surgeries in the last eight years.

Redefining himself and going through huge changes over the last few years have been challenging for Ron. He says he literally lost everything, but it has helped him to appreciate the things he has been given. Ron lost his mother this last year to cancer. He cared for her as she struggled with the disease. He says the process was the most excruciating experience he has ever been through. However, in spite of it all, Ron is actually the happiest he has ever been. Among the things bringing him joy is the “true love” he has found with his girlfriend, Kate.

Ron has started to get back to his career in entertainment after a few years of retirement. “I am getting ready to co-produce and act in a film about the life of Rusco (Fatty) Arbuckle,” he says. Ron also has a horror movie in the works and another project lined up that hits very close to home, as an actor best known as the “fat kid” from Varsity Blues. Ron explains, “A friend of mine wrote a movie for me which is currently titled Glutton for Stardom that is basically about a heavy kid who grows up to be a heavy adult, and accidentally becomes an actor and a celebrity, and then loses the weight and finds that he has to put on a fat suit to be able to find work. It is a funny story, and it sort of mimics a lot of the stuff I have gone through in my life.”

Looking back, Ron realizes that there will always be tough times, but he’s found a new appreciation for life and is happy to be living it.

Read a new full-length interview with Ron Lester at www.obesityhelp.com/promos/RonLester/ and learn more about him at his website: www.ronlesteronline.com.

Hanging with Big Will

William “Big Will” Elijah - Featured in OH Magazine 2005 Issue 3

It’s been a long time since we first covered your story and your 333-pound weight loss in OH Magazine. Have you maintained your weight loss over time? Yes, I have. The lowest I got to was 211 pounds. Now I’m about 235 to 245, back and forth.

What are you doing that’s new and exciting? I’m in the process of developing my own stage act called “BW 360 Degrees” where four dancers and myself do a variety of music styles with original music thrown in. I play different instruments, dance, sing, do a little acting, and video production. I’m working on my second audio book, called Walking Thru the Mind Field. I also hosted and spoke at the OH Michigan Conference at the end of May. So I have a lot on my plate, but I’m feeling very fulfilled creatively.

Personally, I recently got married in November 2007 to a wonderful woman named Tracy, and I have a new stepson named Anthony. I have lots of new friends and a new neighborhood. 

Is there anything else you would like to share? Well, there are no more surgeries to report...! It’s all mental work now. I’ll be five years out on June 30, 2008. It’s been an up and down battle, but I’m so glad I did this for myself and family. As always, I look at life this way: my choices, my changes, my chances... my life!

Keeping It Real

Annie Hall - Featured in OH Magazine 2007 Issue 1

“I can hardly believe it’s been eight years since my Fobi Gastric Bypass surgery. Looking back, I can honestly say that it was the best decision I could have made. It’s amazing how something like that can change one’s life so drastically. I’m much more confident than I was back then when I was carrying all that extra weight around.

“Before my surgery, I was constantly obsessed with food, anticipating and planning my next meal. Now, my focus is on many other things instead of food. I have a better attitude towards food and it has become my friend, instead of my enemy. I gave away all my ‘fat’ clothes—no more ‘extra large’ for this gal!

“I am in my second marriage. I have a very slim and athletic husband! He loves to hike and ride his bike with me. I couldn’t be happier; we’re always on the go. When we’re home, we eat simple food, like salads or grilled salmon.

“Although my weight fluctuates at times, I don’t obsess about it anymore. I simply make adjustments, such as eating less and exercising more. As a recent breast cancer survivor, my outlook towards life has changed. I wake up each morning feeling grateful for my healthy body—and I want to keep it that way!”

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A year ago I was starting over in a new state. Everything and everyone was unfamiliar, and it was nearly overwhelming at times. I didn't have a local social network, and while I wanted friends, the prospect of actually making them takes some work! I found these things helped me when it was time for me to start meeting new people. I hope they will help you, too, when you are next in a new situation, because new friendships can be a great deal of fun!

1. Capitalize on Common Interests—Where did you meet, and what did you talk about? Did you discover you have life circumstances (marital status, kids, hometown…) in common? Did you meet at a music festival or a work conference? Did you discover that you both love baseball or books? Your mutual interests can be a great starting place. Invite a fellow quilter to a free quilting class. Offer a car-lover a trip to the new exhibit at the automobile museum.

2. Take the Pressure Off—Keep the situation low-key by making the invitation casual. One way to do this is to make plans for a public event and ask them along: “There is a series of free concerts at Smith Park this fall. I’m going to hear a great folk group in two weeks. It would be fun to see you there if you would like to come.”

3. Plan Ahead—Most people are very busy, and making an invitation in advance gives your new friend a better chance to arrange their schedule so they can accept your offer. Be respectful of their time by allowing several days’ notice before your proposed get-together.

4. Make One Plan at a Time—While you may have all sorts of ideas about how you and your new friend can enjoy each other’s company, making too many invitations in a short period of time may make you appear over-eager and may rob your friend of the chance to make his or her own invitation! It may help to wait a week or two between invitations.

5. Focus on Free Activities—Fun doesn’t have to cost money, and you can avoid awkward situations by sticking to free opportunities. Treating new friends to dinner or a movie may be no problem for you, but your generosity may make them feel uncomfortable or obligated. Not treating them may force them to spend money they don’t have. Until you know each other better, stick with low- or no-cost options.

Me Minutes

People with diverse hobbies and skills make for fun friends. Take time to invest in your own interests. Carve out a few minutes each day to do something you love: draw, tinker, read, run, cook, listen, bike—whatever you enjoy!

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Until recently, having an adjustable gastric band implanted in the United States meant having a Lap-band. Today, however, there are two primary bands on the market, the Lap-band Advanced Platform (AP) system and the Realize Personalized Banding Solution. This new competition has manufacturers, surgeons and patients curious as to which band is really the better band. What are the differences between the two bands, and how will these differences affect you as a WLS patient?

The Bands

Both adjustable gastric bands work by creating two stomach pouches, a small upper one and a large lower one. The patient feels full more quickly because the upper pouch doesn’t leave as much room for food. In laparoscopic or “closed” surgery, the band is wrapped around the stomach like a belt, and a tiny tube leads from the band to a port that is implanted on the abdominal wall. After surgery, the doctor can adjust the tightness of the band by injecting saline into the port through the tube and into the band, thereby inflating the band so that it constricts a tiny amount....click here to read more. 

Over the past 20 years, I have been able to help many wonderful people while leading group exercise classes or conducting one-on-one personal training. It has been a joy to take someone from a place of not feeling good about their physical appearance and stamina to having reduced body fat, more strength and improved cardiovascular conditioning. While working with the physical aspect of an individual has been very gratifying, I have always had a deep desire to understand who we are in a deeper sense. What I have found is that we are so much more than our physical bodies. There’s another side of us—a “spiritual” side.

Just as you know how important it is to keep your automobile finely tuned and maintained to get you where you want to go, so it is with your physical body. Your body needs nourishing foods and regular exercise to function properly. The American College of Sports Medicine states that to be physically fit, one must generally do a minimum of 30 minutes of aerobic activity three times a week and a minimum of two days of strength training. Although most of us hate the word “discipline,” it does take concerted effort to get fit and stay fit....click here to  read more. 

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